I want a baby

I just need to say that outloud to someone.  The universe I guess.  My husband and I decided before marriage no kids, and last January (a year ago) I got pregnant by accident.  We decided to have an abortion.  At the time I thought I would make a horrible mother.  I was afraid of my legacy.

There’s also a component that I was horrified.  Horrified that this child was growing inside me without my permission.  I thought I had put an end to unwanted violations of my body.

Now a friend is pregnant and all I can think is that it should be, could be me.  I suppose I will have to give my feelings some time to settle and figure it all out.

 

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4 thoughts on “I want a baby

  1. How are you doing with the urge? Did you tell your husband about it? I had a feeling of needing a baby so someone would love me unconditionally, I’d be so much better than my parents, and I would love it without effort.

    Lisa

    • Hi Lisa. No, I didn’t tell my husband. I think the majority of me doesn’t really want a baby – like you said I want that unconditional love. I’m adult enough most of the time to know that a baby won’t give me that. SO, I adopted a puppy 🙂

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