Whenever I see your smiling face I have to smile myself – because I love you, yes I do.

I just haven’t been able to write lately.  That’s always a bad sign for me.  It usually means I’m not dealing with my emotions on any level, and in true form I ended up with a nasty spat of depression.  I spent the weekend sleeping and not wanting anyone around, and really spent the week before that irritable and listless.  I think the meds keep it from getting worse.

I had a good reason for being depressed of course.  My mother in law passed away very suddenly.  We got a call on a Tuesday that we had to get to Florida quickly and she passed on Wednesday.  Thankfully we were with her.

I love my mother in law.  I like to say she was my corrective emotional experience.  She taught me how a mother and a child behave and she was 200% supportive of and loving toward me.  Never once did I feel the “my son could do better’ vibe.  It was always just the opposite.

From the moment I got the call I sprung into action.  I took care of things.  I made flight arrangements, I packed, I consoled.  I remember thinking that I was worried that when the time came I wouldn’t be able to cry and would be misinterpreted.  I did cry though.  And I was thankful.  After I let it out a little I boxed it back up.  I woke up on Sunday mid afternoon, wondering why I felt sick and had the ahah moment.  Oh yeah, my mother in law died and I’m probably upset about that.  I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to not being able to recognize my emotions until they’re half over.

Anyway, once I figured it out I felt better.  Now I feel like I can face the day today, even though I feel a bit sick to my stomach and would rather be in bed.

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3 thoughts on “Whenever I see your smiling face I have to smile myself – because I love you, yes I do.

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