I just haven’t been able to write lately. That’s always a bad sign for me. It usually means I’m not dealing with my emotions on any level, and in true form I ended up with a nasty spat of depression. I spent the weekend sleeping and not wanting anyone around, and really spent the week before that irritable and listless. I think the meds keep it from getting worse.
I had a good reason for being depressed of course. My mother in law passed away very suddenly. We got a call on a Tuesday that we had to get to Florida quickly and she passed on Wednesday. Thankfully we were with her.
I love my mother in law. I like to say she was my corrective emotional experience. She taught me how a mother and a child behave and she was 200% supportive of and loving toward me. Never once did I feel the “my son could do better’ vibe. It was always just the opposite.
From the moment I got the call I sprung into action. I took care of things. I made flight arrangements, I packed, I consoled. I remember thinking that I was worried that when the time came I wouldn’t be able to cry and would be misinterpreted. I did cry though. And I was thankful. After I let it out a little I boxed it back up. I woke up on Sunday mid afternoon, wondering why I felt sick and had the ahah moment. Oh yeah, my mother in law died and I’m probably upset about that. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to not being able to recognize my emotions until they’re half over.
Anyway, once I figured it out I felt better. Now I feel like I can face the day today, even though I feel a bit sick to my stomach and would rather be in bed.