Playing dress up

One of the legacies of my abuse is that I feel uncomfortable with crowds.  I can’t suss out the danger, and I always feel like people are staring at me.  I hate going into new situations.  A complicating factor is that I’m very overweight, and therefore very self conscious.

I have a wedding coming up on my husband’s side, and I am a mess.  They are a different religion than me, they are very wealthy, and I feel like an outcast.  I feel like no matter what I do my dress will not be right, my gift will not be enough, and I will feel ill at ease.  Not only that, but they have the stigma of the f word – FAMILY.  What’s more dangerous than that?

Normally I ooze discomfort and people stay away.  It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I’m going to try something different this time.  Since I figure the decks are already stacked against me, I’m going to try and have fun.  I’m going to pick out a dress I feel fabulous in and I’m going to give what I can afford and not a penny more.  I’m going to wear comfortable shoes so I can dance.  I’m going to try to pull out the parts of my personality that my friends and loved ones adore and my colleagues respect.

Does anyone have any suggestions for keeping the scared ones comforted?


3 thoughts on “Playing dress up

  1. Having fun, that sounds great.

    For me a big part of going to a family thing has been having a comfortable outfit that I loved to wear. It really helped.

    Do the scared ones have thing that comfort them, that they can do? Do they have private rooms inside where they can go and be away from what is happening? You can help them create them if they don’t have them. Do they have toys and games to play with inside? Do they have a playground or beach inside where they can go to enjoy themselves while you are there? Is there something they would like you to do for them beforehand?

    Good and healing thoughts to you.


  2. Hi,

    I had a therapist who helped us all create private and safe rooms and then we created a beach and a common meeting room. That helped with a lot of healing. We think she helped us to do a meditation where we imagined as a group about creating our own inner space. We can watch any movies or tv shows or books or activities that we have seen in the past and we can watch what is going on outside the body, if we want, in our private rooms with tv screens.

    Good and healing thoughts to yous.


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