I have a large family. My maternal grandmother was one of 9. I have many aunts, uncles and cousins, I’ve never felt that I fit in, have been accepted, or really loved by them. I also thought that I had accepted that this was through no fault of my own, and that from the time I was little other members of my family set up a dynamic that would keep my branch isolated.
Facebook gave me a sense of false security I think. I slowly started to add family members to my friends list, and felt like I was being brought into their world. What I forgot is that facebook is not a door – it’s a window that you peek through, voyeuristically. Just as the television is not speaking to you (no, really it isn’t) the posters on facebook, for the most part, are not taking into account that you specifically are reading their post. There is a nebulous sense of the masses we call “friends” but I think it rarely gets drilled down to the individual, and the impact on that person.
And so it is that I come to find out that two of my cousins are making confirmation and my branch of the family is not invited. And how I come to find out that a cousin I considered particularly close to me is flying up for the event and making plans to see another cousin of mine – one that I had no idea she was so close to.
I’m reminded by the song below – that the injury is not intentional or personal, and that I’d have been happier not knowing. It is another reason to consider unplugging.
The middle- Jimmy Eat World.
Don’t write yourself off yet.
It’s only in your head you feel left out,
Or looked down on.
Just try your best,
Try everything you can.
And don’t you worry what they tell themselves
When you’re away.
It just takes some time,
Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright. (alright)
You know they’re all the same.
You know you’re doing better on your own, (on your own)
So don’t buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn’t matter if it’s good enough (good enough)
For someone else.
Hey, don’t write yourself off yet.
It’s only in your head you feel left out, (feel left out)
Or looked down on.
Just do your best, (just do your best)
Do everything you can. (do everything you can)
And don’t you worry what their bitter hearts (bitter hearts)
Are gonna say.